We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
