My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
