Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
