Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
