Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
