i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we're making bets on your personal life
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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