He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
