i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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