He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i've created a new STD.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
