I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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