hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
