Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
