I just made out with a guy for $7.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
