You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
