I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
