Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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