dude i'm inner monologue high
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
