After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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