The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's shark week go big or go home
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
