the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
how drunk are you?
Several
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
