i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
