I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
