I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
