I hate all girls vehemently.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
