I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
