my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
