i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
