I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
