My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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