So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
