I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
