And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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