I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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