Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
