On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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