I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
