guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
