She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
