she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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