the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
