for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
