he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
