I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
