I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
