o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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