is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
