His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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