i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you never un-have a 4some
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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