why didn't you poke me back
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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