this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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