She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
