It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
