He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Jerry, you need to find god
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My bed smells like the plague
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
