I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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