Small penises have feelings too.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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